If I’m being honest—IIBH—2024 started out rough for this writer.
Cancer diagnosis, followed by surgery and radiation, then a swirling ride into recovery. Like running Lava Falls without a boat. Things got very real in a hurry, as turbulent but also as oddly smooth as a big swim can sometimes be.
Once you’re through the rapids, you’ve not just survived them. You’re never done. As river guides say, you’re above them again.
And who reading these words isn’t a survivor? You’ve taken life’s big swims, where the world becomes all water, and you have just one job: to breathe between the big waves. Make sure you’re swallowing air instead of water. Persevere.
Daily medical appointments. Incredible numbers of blood-draws. Countless flimsy, tie-in-front gowns. Not so different from the don’t-grin-but-do-bear-it reality of falling into a big river. Feet downstream. Don’t panic.
Breathe. Hold breath. Breathe.
Big sucking currents suck you down, so swim deeper, get beneath the turbulence. Deeper.
Then there’s the incredible feeling when you face the last whitewater—down into the eddying wave troughs, up onto the last big summit of water. And then—you’ve made it. You see the sky above a ridge of current. More life ahead! More rapids await downstream.
You’re given the name survivor. You’ve earned it. And you hunger for the world—for your family, your friends. Conversation and solitude, both in turn. Long walks through forests and canyons. Good books—piles of good books.
Some ask, “Would you say you’ve embraced a seize-the-day approach to life?” You say yes, you’re calling from the coast, where you’re watching the ocean rise and fall. (And the aquatic grace of a red-throated loon [pictured], ace swimmer and long-haul migrant from the Arctic to the California coast.)
“What’s your prognosis?” others ask.
IIBH, you say, I’m good on paper. But pain free one day and as sore as a ten-year feud the next. A reminder that there’s always more to heal.
But you are a survivor. Something no one’s called you before, but something every living being is. And, like life after a big swim—like tumbling in Hermit Rapids or Lava Falls or the wild Pacific Ocean—being gifted more days is one of the most exhilarating and life-changing experiences you’ll ever know.
And you can say: I’m above Lava again! Ready to face the next big drop.
Honest as ever, my good friend, this essay is on point, and full of good news for those of us out here. THANK YOU for sharing this news and for hammering out the truth of it for us to see, and share, and be inspired by.
Ride the wave, Becca!
Oh my, yes! These thoughtful words help us all heal. Of course, the river metaphor is not lost on we who grew up in that lifestyle. For that we must consider ourselves to be the fortunate ones. Gratitude is large and powerful. Thanks Becca.
Kenny J, you are one of my heroes! Always so accepting and loving, a river friend with whom I’ve never a run a river (til now, with our shared health journeys, big big river). Thank you for being with me and for letting these words in! Much love to you.
Beautiful writing about painful situations, my friend. I’m so happy your prognosis is good, but understand that may not be reflected in your daily feeling. Love you.
Love you too! And your beautiful writing inspires me all the time, JP. Keep up your great work—-your Writing in the Pause on Substack is one of my favorite follows. Big hug.
Nay, no robot! It’s my ocean-loving compadre, with whom I’ve paddled the Sea of Cortez. And rowed many rapids. You’d have totally dug the elephant seal cruising by . . . I know you’ve seen plenty . . .
Oh my beautiful Margi! Woman, writer, and warrioress extraordinaire. So lovely to hear from you. We’re always connected, but I look forward to catching up with your journey. Love to you and Geoff!
Tracy, dear one and amazing scribe, if you’re back in country, I know I’ll be seeing you soon. Love and congratulations on the beautiful wedding and time with family!
Thanks, Becca, for your honest report of what it feels like to go through cancer, with its wild ride of emotions. Of course, river guides are supposed to put on a brave face even when the rest of their body is upset, if not on the verge of panic. But no masks are needed between friends. Onward, to the rest of your life.
Your words of vulnerability and strength trigger me in the most wonderful ways (again)… it occurs to me this time that River may have transcended Metaphor for you, and I’m left in awe. My dear friend, thank you for sharing your light with us – you don’t know how much it means to me. Love always –
Shocked to hear of your ailment. Hoping for the best recovery.
You may have heard that Sue is far into dementia. I take care of her 21/7′
Getting a lot of reading done (a favorite thing) and trust you are as well.
Love to you. Cheers, Dave
Hi Dave, so good to hear from you. I’m so sorry about Sue, what a difficult situation. Tough work, the caregiving, and my heart is with you both. I’m glad you have all the reading to help keep you company as you stick with it. Yes, staying in the moment, staying with what is real and necessary. Love xo
Si, my very good amigo. You’ve rowed first through these particular gnarly waves. And besides Lava in all kinds of water we’ve paddled with the Tsunami Rangers to the islas! So ecstatic to still be upright with you. <3
Hi Bec, I had to wait until my eye healed (procedure for sight) to be able to read this. I’m still here but in full on chemo treatment fooling doctors for 3 1/2 years already with my terminal diagnosis. I wondered where you had been, so quiet. Thankfully you opened your words to let us know you have pulled through your, what I know, horrendous journey. You give us all hope, old friend. Love and hugs, Laurie
Dear Laurie/Laura, great friend ALL these years, so in awe of your own survivorship. Thanks for following my words, it means so much to me. Big hug dearest one. Bec
Honest as ever, my good friend, this essay is on point, and full of good news for those of us out here. THANK YOU for sharing this news and for hammering out the truth of it for us to see, and share, and be inspired by.
Ride the wave, Becca!
Oh dear Elisa! The journeys we’ve taken. And the writing we do! You’re an inspiration to me, too. Love to you!
Oh my, yes! These thoughtful words help us all heal. Of course, the river metaphor is not lost on we who grew up in that lifestyle. For that we must consider ourselves to be the fortunate ones. Gratitude is large and powerful. Thanks Becca.
Kenny J, you are one of my heroes! Always so accepting and loving, a river friend with whom I’ve never a run a river (til now, with our shared health journeys, big big river). Thank you for being with me and for letting these words in! Much love to you.
Beautiful writing about painful situations, my friend. I’m so happy your prognosis is good, but understand that may not be reflected in your daily feeling. Love you.
Love you too! And your beautiful writing inspires me all the time, JP. Keep up your great work—-your Writing in the Pause on Substack is one of my favorite follows. Big hug.
Fabulous Writing!
Fabulous You!
(Maybe I am a Robot?)
Nay, no robot! It’s my ocean-loving compadre, with whom I’ve paddled the Sea of Cortez. And rowed many rapids. You’d have totally dug the elephant seal cruising by . . . I know you’ve seen plenty . . .
So honoured to read of your journey, written, as always with such beauty and grace. And grateful you are above lava again, beautiful one.
Oh my beautiful Margi! Woman, writer, and warrioress extraordinaire. So lovely to hear from you. We’re always connected, but I look forward to catching up with your journey. Love to you and Geoff!
Damn, that’s good, Becca. I’m glad you’ve surfaced.
Tracy, dear one and amazing scribe, if you’re back in country, I know I’ll be seeing you soon. Love and congratulations on the beautiful wedding and time with family!
Thanks, Becca, for your honest report of what it feels like to go through cancer, with its wild ride of emotions. Of course, river guides are supposed to put on a brave face even when the rest of their body is upset, if not on the verge of panic. But no masks are needed between friends. Onward, to the rest of your life.
Don, thank you! You’ve been part of this journey all along and I’m grateful. We’ll keep on running our falls, masks off!
Glad to have you on this side of the big C rapid, and I bet you are triply enjoying each new day. Keep on truckin’.
Thanks, Chris! Excellent to be here . . .
Becca,
Your words of vulnerability and strength trigger me in the most wonderful ways (again)… it occurs to me this time that River may have transcended Metaphor for you, and I’m left in awe. My dear friend, thank you for sharing your light with us – you don’t know how much it means to me. Love always –
Dear Mike, thank you for your kind and supportive words. And as always just dang intelligent.
Have missed seeing you — as you know I’m one of you biggest fans. Love always back.
Shocked to hear of your ailment. Hoping for the best recovery.
You may have heard that Sue is far into dementia. I take care of her 21/7′
Getting a lot of reading done (a favorite thing) and trust you are as well.
Love to you. Cheers, Dave
Hi Dave, so good to hear from you. I’m so sorry about Sue, what a difficult situation. Tough work, the caregiving, and my heart is with you both. I’m glad you have all the reading to help keep you company as you stick with it. Yes, staying in the moment, staying with what is real and necessary. Love xo
(“The long good-bye makes one focus on the moment.)
From one to another darlin’. Embrace your friend’s love and strength as much as we can offer. Though by now you ken that much of this is running solo.
Si, my very good amigo. You’ve rowed first through these particular gnarly waves. And besides Lava in all kinds of water we’ve paddled with the Tsunami Rangers to the islas! So ecstatic to still be upright with you. <3
Hi Bec, I had to wait until my eye healed (procedure for sight) to be able to read this. I’m still here but in full on chemo treatment fooling doctors for 3 1/2 years already with my terminal diagnosis. I wondered where you had been, so quiet. Thankfully you opened your words to let us know you have pulled through your, what I know, horrendous journey. You give us all hope, old friend. Love and hugs, Laurie
Dear Laurie/Laura, great friend ALL these years, so in awe of your own survivorship. Thanks for following my words, it means so much to me. Big hug dearest one. Bec